let the anchor sink in the deep heart of the ocean

you asked me to stop thinking about us, so that i can focus on finals. you said all these fights might lead me to stress, headache and lost focus.


kau rasa aku akan boleh focus ke bila bf aku cakap mcm tu? bf aku suruh aku stop fikir pasal relationship, cuz he think this idea will heal our relationship. kau tak rasa ke yang org akan lagi stress bila situasi mcm ni yang jadi. its like you run away from me. the moment when i need motivation during my finals, during my hard times, and you disappear.  im sorry if i didnt understand his words tapi aku rasa bila kita tak contact, aku rasa lagi tension. aku akan terfikir apa yang kau tgh buat, siapa yang kau contact, siapa yang kau duk whatsapp, wechat. and benda camtu yang buat aku stress and lost focus.


dear, you pun tahu i got nobody kat dungun ni and i dont have any bestfriend so why you run away. stay with me. siapa nak dengar cerita aku tiap malam, masalah aku kalau bukan kau. aku ada kau sorang je. siapa nak buat aku gelak, siapa je nak call aku on random kalau bukan kau. i have no bestfriends left. diorang walk away, sbb aku jauh sangat, aku jarang lepak dengan diorang, literally, they were kind of friends yang cari aku bila time happy, bila aku sedih aku nobody was there, nobody want to helping me out, nobody willing to hear all my problems and my stories. cukup la kawan kawan aku buat mcm tu, there's no need for you to make the same thing.


i know i have my family, but you did really share your problems to your family members? tak rasa your siblings will said yang you ni childish sbb tak dpt handle masalah sendiri smpai nak kena cerita kat family members. tak rasa ur mom akan susah hati sbb anak dia yang jauh ni ada masalah, kau rasa hati mak kau akan sentiasa tenang bila tahu anak dia ada problems with money, with classmates?


jangan la mintak aku stop contct kau sbb i cant do that. aku tahu aku ada bf untuk aku mengadu, so why should i 'pretend' like i dont have one? dont you think bila kita tak contact ni, kita akan lagi mudah break? there will have no trust anymore between us.


hm i admitted that i dont have guts to talk this thing directly to you, sbb aku tahu lagi teruk gaduh kita nnti. so, im just gonna let this thing sink here and fade away. biar aku je yang tahu sendiri. biar aku tahan rasa sakit hati. biar aku tenung ur name on my phonebook  cuz i cant call you, biar aku tenang tengok last seen kau cuz i know i cant whatsapp you. biar aku sabar baca tweets kau cuz i know i cant neither fav nor retweet them.


 i'm pretending like i'm okay but deep inside me, i'm not okay at all.



sincerely,
-the one who never get bored of you even though sometimes i know you were annoying as fuck (your girlfriend)










i sayang you tau, you jangan mcm mcm , ttyl.